As a full shareholders meeting sat around the boardroom table, four upturned milkcrates courtesy of Kirin Breweries local milk producing subsidiary, and soon to be sister company of Tooheys, there was an air of hope, nay anticipation, that the executive might deliver what few boards worldwide had managed to accomplish in these recessionary times, a healthy dividend and strong capital growth. Could the street accomplish what even the millionaires factory had failed to deliver? An opening speech by the chairman laid bare the facts.Some acquisitions had been made on the basis that the board (after careful consideration of duly presented expert opinion) was of the opinion that these assets were highly liquid, with the total value of the individual parts being worth considerably more than the whole. There had also been some purchases, shareholders were told, of some more speculative assets, which while having considerable immediate upside, would impact negatively on bottom line if immediate upside was not achieved in line with expectations. General business over, the CEO arose and drew shareholders attention to the liquid assets procured… One case of Victoria Bitter and a cask of dry white. There was short discussion as to the merits of retaining the VB in the hope that its value would rise after the bottle o closed. A motion was put to the floor in favour of this course of action, and a shareholder representing minority interests protested that this course of action would delay the immediate positive benefits to members, carried the associated risk of possibly contravening liqour licensing regulations with the attendant penalties, and did not guarantee a significant increase in value for shareholders.Minority shareholder put this counter proposal to the floor and the motion was quickly carried on a show of hands. As the beers were being apportioned between shareholders, the treasurer arose. The Powerball ticket had 2 numbers and the powerball,for a return of $17 on a cost of $7-35, and number 9 in race 7 ran 3rd, with only the first two placegetters paying dividends. An immediate motion was tabled that the entire board be sacked, but the chairman, noting that all shareholders had commenced to partake of said liquid assets, closed the meeting under clause 3 of the constitution which states that shareholders must abstain from alcohol for 48 hours prior to voting on matters concerning board positions. The motion was seconded by the treasurer and the next shareholders meeting was scheduled for next week at the Ivy Bar.

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